This month we transition through the seasons of late Summer into Autumn, depending on where you are in the world. It's not quite Autumn in Ghana, but rainy season, however it feels a bit like my home, Scotland up where I am in the mountains.
If you live in tune with the rhythm & cycles of life you will recognise that it is a time to SLOW down & REFLECT on everything you have achieved this year (HARVESTED). It’s also the perfect opportunity to let go of anything that no longer serves you as we head into the last part of the year.
So pause for a moment....how are you really feeling?
Have you achieved everything you had planned for this year?
Are you heading in the right direction?
Do you feel balanced & in harmony with your mind, body & soul?
Can you meet yourself with acceptance & trust you are where you're meant to be?
I have spoken about this before, but so often we beat ourselves up & give ourselves a hard time over our expectations on how our life should be instead of giving ourselves credit for our strengths that got us to where we are right now.
This is definitely something I have been struggling with recently especially in relation to my career & fertility issues.
Just the other day after an appointment with my Gynaecologist I was crying my eyes out at the possibility that my hopes of being able to conceive naturally are slowly fading away. I found myself entering down a deep hole of pity of why me, nothing good ever happens to me... you know the drill!
Anyways I allowed myself to sit in the pity & began to observe my thoughts, this is where I give thanks for my spiritual practice as it has enabled me to look at things from a different perspective.
I am now coming to recognise how much I have been trying to control my fertility outcome having swapped trying to control other things in life for controlling my health in order to improve my chances of conceiving.
Of course, on paper there is nothing wrong with this, but for me it is the need for things to be perfect... a typical symptom of childhood trauma that I have been battling with for years that doesn't serve me!
So, reflecting on this & how it then leads to me feeling low when I don't get the news I want to hear, not to mention feeding the “I am not good enough” story, tough as it is I have decided to let go of this dream for now.
The option of Donor Egg IVF was something I decided I wasn’t willing to try for at least a few years until I was sure I couldn’t conceive on my own. However, recently I was considering it as an alternative.
But over the weekend I decided to leave everything up to the powers that be sorry if that’s to “woo woo” for you but for me it’s me allowing the process of letting go!
Perhaps I am not meant to contribute to an already overpopulated world?
Is Donor Egg IVF playing with nature?
Am I just feeding my ego as that's what we do in society and if I can't conceive a child then I am a failure?
Is this really all just about my own needs?
Likewise I need to know what it feels like to be a mother, to know this unconditional love, to experience all the milestones, Christmases, celebrations etc.
I realise this is a sensitive subject so if it triggers you please know it’s not meant to, it is just my view on my situation right now.
I also began to think about all the children who don’t have the opportunity to experience a loving home environment thinking maybe that’s my calling something I have been feeling a lot here in Ghana due to the amount of children living on the streets.
Anyways as you can see I’ve been on a journey, but my purpose for sharing this is to get you thinking about…
Where do you try to control life?
What would happen if you let go of the outcome?
Is there a freer way of living that allows you to enjoy the here & now?
These are my ponderings as I transition not only through another month, another season but also another change in my life. In the midst of everything I try to remember the good that has come of my life in recent years as I have transformed my life from being a disconnected from self, binge-drinking, stressed out, self-loathing, live for the weekend kind of person to someone who now values herself & put’s herself first by looking after her health & wellness.
Nature shows us how easy it is to let go as she moves from season to season, as the leaves fall from the trees only to return in Spring, as we move from darkness to light every day. We can’t control nature outside of us nor inside of us & once you can start to understand this principle & start to live in harmony with her you will also find balance & harmony within yourself.
Letting go really is one of our biggest lessons here on earth.
Are you willing to learn?
Please do reach out to me if you need support in anyway during your own transition through infertility.
Sending so much love xx