So, last month was probably one of the toughest months I’ve had in a long time when it comes to navigating life.
It began with a plant medicine ceremony, the whole experience is hard to put into words but lets just say it was an emotional rollercoaster.
I know it's not for everyone but plant medicine can help us to move past things that keep us stuck in repeating patterns that we aren’t always able to see and this involves taking us to dark places and feelings that we have subconsciously avoided.
Curious about Plant Medicine then check out this podcast that discusses their healing benefits.
At one point I was crying uncontrollably which seemed to go on for hours grieving over parts of my childhood which I thought I had worked through. Turns out the pain was a lot deeper in my heart than I thought!
However, on the other side of my experience was this shift into a higher state of consciousness and overwhelming feelings of loving awareness for everything and everyone. Let's just say my heart was cracked wide open!!
Sadly, two days later my beloved gran passed away.
It was so bittersweet as it was just me by her hospital bedside as she took her last breath. Heartbroken over our last moment together, but also beyond grateful as I believe she chose me to walk her home as perhaps divinely timed my other family members had gone down to the coffee shop about 10 minutes before.
My gran (Chrissie) was my inspiration, an amazing strong woman who lived to 94 years old. If I am honest she was the one person who was always consistent in my life and she made me feel safe, unconditionally loved and free to be my true self. I know I have been lucky enough to have shared 41 precious years with her.
Since my grans passing I have been moving through the waves of grief as well as spending a lot of time in deep reflection and contemplation as I ponder over life, death and our existence.
I’ve also recognised once again how things have a strange way of working out just as they should.
This time last year I was still in Ghana preparing to come back to Scotland for my very first retreat but as you may know I had to cancel it due to getting Covid on my return home that then led to a turn of events which meant me giving up on my African dream and staying.
At the time I was in despair thinking why me, nothing good ever happens for me, life’s not fair, etc.
However, in hindsight I now see this allowed me to spend more time with my gran as during this past year her health slowly deteriorated and being home meant I was able to care and support her until the end of her life.
The moral of the story?
As cliché as it may sound sometimes what appears as darkness in our life is often trying to steer us back into alignment, or is appearing to support our greater good, growth and evolution.
The problem is when we have something good going on in our life we often don't want things to change. We get attached to the feeling, the person, the environment, object etc.
However, as death reminds us everything has to change... it's the law of nature and we can either flow with it or get trapped trying to control outcomes that are really out with our control!
As a collective there is so much unresolved grief & loss not only over loved ones, but of lost childhoods, relationships, friendships, health, loss of our identities as we transition from one stage of life to another and also over what is happening to our planet.
It's no wonder when we experience one upset after another it is sometimes easier just to close our hearts than go though anymore hurt and pain.
But our learning is to not shut down and put the barriers up and instead stay open to life as this creates the soil for our growth.
But how though?
By making our happiness our decision and not a dependency. This may seem slightly difficult in the beginning, because we spend most of our life focuses on future outcomes, or wishing our pain away, before we allow ourselves to be happy.
Life will never be just right, and the future never comes – We only ever have the moment we are in right now, so why not live it well?
Learn to let go, feel into your pain, your loss, your grief and try to find gratitude, love and forgiveness within all the messiness.
Life is precious AND to short to waste it getting caught up in yours or other peoples dramas, things, or people that don’t serve us, our pasts or our limiting beliefs holding us back from our happiness.
So, stay open...talk about how you're feeling, find stillness, meditate on what's moving through you, move it through you physically...shake it out...dance it out...breathe it out, get support, take some time in nature...that and plenty of self-care. Be kind to yourself always!
If you are interested here is another podcast suggestion this time discussing the topic of allowing our hearts to be broken.
Positively, through last months experiences I have received embodied wisdom and strong confirmation to continue on my path of providing heart-filling spaces that encourage people to come home to themselves with nourishing practices which include the opportunity for raw, vulnerable, truthful and often uncomfortable conversations with like-minded souls.
Tending to our open hearts isn’t an easy task! Let's support each other to do it together!
If you’ve got this far thank you so much for reading!